so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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