It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
