yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
