literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
