I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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