This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
These tits shall not be calmed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
