____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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