Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
