im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
