I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
