I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
