you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
