We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
