Only a mothe r could love this liver
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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