Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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