I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
