ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
