dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They took my balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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