i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
