He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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