Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need to calm my uterus...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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