she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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