he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
