I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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