Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
