he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
