Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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