Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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