On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
