I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
