My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
