I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
