I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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