Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
