He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
