Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
