I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize