meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
