I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
