Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
