Porn is love you can see.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
