I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
