he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
