my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
