I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
