sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
