Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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