His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
