I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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