he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
