everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
