I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
