I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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