thus making me awesome and them whores
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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