I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
