epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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