wrigley field is MILF paradise
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
