Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
