Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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