You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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