the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
